Okay, ‘depressed’ might not be the right word. I think ‘funk’ suits my mood more. I’m sure we all go through this at one point or another. A period of time in which we just don’t quite feel like ourselves. We feel a bit off, maybe even a little sad or mad.
I think I’m going through that right now. What’s worse is that I’m a tad ashamed and embarrassed on why I feel this way. You want to know? It’s because I think I’m a terrible actor (something I have a HUGE passion for) and a bad writer.
Right now, my brother and I are making a short film. He tends to do most of the camera work and editing and I do most of the acting and writing. I’m having trouble writing this script though. It never seems to be quite right, or quite how I want it. I keep wanting to work on it with my brother but I think I’ve exhausted him at this point. The script never seems to be good enough. It hasn’t reached the point yet where I can be proud of it.
Because I play the main character I also have to do a lot of the acting. Today I went through the scenes and scenarios but I’ve come to the conclusion that I suck. Whenever I read the lines they don’t sound convincing enough. Whenever I try to do the right facial expressions, they don’t look real enough.
People say that your worst critic is yourself and I think I’d have to agree with that. I have bashed myself for my acting more than necessary I think. I stress and worry about it more than I should. What I find even dumber though is that I shouldn’t be so worried about it because there’s no reason to! Acting for me at the moment is just a hobby, it’s not a career. But I’ve been thinking. If I care about my acting so much, does that mean that I should get into it more?
Thank you to whoever is reading this. I must sound like a complete lunatic. I just needed to get this off my chest, and this blog was the only place that I could do so.